Dispatch from the field. Waxing Gibbous moon at 95%
Recorded last night:
A memoir can be written in a moment, in a moment so full of the record, the events you’ve lived that it requires verbs and nouns arranged in poems, sentences, paragraphs, scenes, chapters, prologues, epigraphs, epilogues, keening songs, happiness songs, epilogues and blessings.
It. The moment. The precipice.
A memoir can wake you in the middle of the night- say at 1:55 a.m. and say to you, “Now. It is time to write.”
A memoir can save a reader’s life, remind her what it means to nurture by centering her heart on the page, in the kitchen, the garden, the forest, the ecology of her life. Perhaps she will consider, carefully, what she sets aflame and to remember, again, that each flame is a beginning. A gathering of kindling and a composition inside a ring of stones and a stacking of materials to add to the flame. And, when she is ready, she can strike flint to steel, light the tinder and breathe in love and breathe out gratitude.
A memoir can be a way of pacifying the ego or of telling the go- this is when we let go.
A memoir is a moment. A memoir of the moment.
No need for flashbacks. Indirect discourse encouraged.
__________
Venus is visible on the night of this dreaming. Venus is about love.
From Grief to Grace
__________
Dream last night- a life review- a photo album and experience of flow, all the times flow has been with me, blockages released, like black flies in the spring, hatching and moving on…
___________
What does it mean to listen to the field? To sense the field? To hear the cosmos seeking? To connect with the benevolent beings?
_________
Also visible in this night sky: Jupiter. Optimism, growth, abundance.
Dispatch from audio recording, Part 2
Dispatch on a memoir. How is writing a memoir an appropriate response to the way the world is today? What are key things that are pointers? Pointers from a radical trust in life? Question mark.
Hannah, the movie, A recognition of a couple of things. They are gone in a stream of thinking. And I know I will remember them when I need to. I am part of a field, and in the field is all the thinking. And I could just access it.
____________
Mars. Energy, drive, passion, determination,
I will try voice to text. I really love to be able to call out the punctuation and find it complete.
On fear, perhaps this whole book is about fear. It is about a moment when fear seems to have abated, and inside the gap between “what if I am punished for this" and “thank you for releasing me from my fear.” This is a space of uncertainty. Perhaps I will be punished in some way. Right now it seems, speech and freedom are not as secure as I believed they would be for the rest of my life. And yet, was that just a comfortable notion? Have I been carrying the fear of my ancestors, all my life, the fear, speaking out of telling the truth?
I remember a piece from the movie Hannah that seems important the Rinpoche hands her a note and just says with the right motivation, everything will be clear. You will have all you need. And she and her partner Ollie set out to do what must’ve seemed impossible many, many times. Why this movie? Why on the anniversary of an experience that helped me see the invisible?
Breathe in love, breathe out gratitude.
__________
These are all the notes from last night and in the middle of the night, awake and alert I thought, wow, all I need to do is open the channel and the words will be there. Now, I have a bit of doubt. They were pointers, a dream I became aware of… Possible, perhaps because I am making space in my life. Space for what wants to come in, what might be created.
D. Nicol yesterday talked about the sacred trees in Montgomery…the redwoods and how her let the prayers come into him and through him. He didn’t set out to pray. The praying happened. He wasn’t directed by a religious figure, he was called by the trees. How, over time, he understood the trees were not a metaphor but a literal guide. A literal understanding.
Notes:
Light editing used to add to coherence.
Hannah, the movie refers to a movie on YouTube about a woman named Hannah who followed a buddhist path and helped to widen the reach of buddhist practices to Europe.
D. Nicols is a subtle activist. I meditate with a group of people most Tuesday afternoons, participating and engaging with a field of energy with an embodiment of peace, beauty, and love.
Reviewing these dispatches have alerted to me patterns in my dreaming, my thinking and my energetic engagement with life. The anniversary I note refers to an awakening experience which occurred on April 8, 2021.