Have you ever felt like maybe the point to doing a task is no longer in sight? Like, maybe, getting above 90 per cent on every exam is not important, even though it used to be the focus of your life? Or how about hanging out with someone is the last thing you want to do because that person is, (God how clearly you see it now), really a negative influence in your life?

And you know that in-between place when you know the truth and the reality of it all, but you’re not ready to do something about it?

I know I’m being ambiguous about the details. That’s necessary.

What is also necessary is that I tell you that I’ve decided to take action. And what brought me to that? A realization that I can’t endure static. Static is remaining in a house that’s crumbling around me.

And what brought me to this understanding? Over months I accumulated stress that created a consuming ache in my shoulder and neck. I started writing about the issues that were causing it. I was considering what to do. When the earthquake hit in Haiti, I, finally, cried. I cried for the children who were abandoned and for the mothers who’d lost so much and for the fathers and brothers who were only sure that they needed to help someone, somewhere. I donated money. And then I began to realize that my feelings of helplessness about my own life were a trap I could release. Difficult.

So I found the inspiration to bake again. And I started it all from scratch- fresh coconut, grated by my hands, folded tenderly into a beautiful batter. The smell enveloped me. I only ate one without frosting and one with- just to experience the wonderful taste. I shared with friends and friends of friends and I asked them to text the numbers that gave money to people who didn’t have homes anymore, who were crying for a loss that was more immediate and longer lasting than mine. And I felt better. Cake can do that for a girl like me.

The Coconut Cupcakes are vegan but can be adapted for the non-vegans among us. I just like the idea of vegan because, as you know, I like rules. They keep order in life. And sometimes I need order, especially when my world is crashing.
Ingredients

* 1/2 cup coconut oil
* 3/4 cup granulated sugar
* 1 cup coconut milk
* 1/4 cup soy milk
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 1 teaspoon coconut extract
* 1 cup flour, all purpose
* 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
* 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 1 cup unsweetened coconut (grated raw or dried)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 350 F
2. Melt the coconut oil in a small saucepan over very low heat. After it’s melted, turn off the heat but use it before it solidifies. (you can substitute canola oil)
3. In a medium bowl, combine the melted coconut oil, sugar, coconut milk, soy milk, vanilla, coconut extract. Mix until homogeneous (love that word!)
4. Add the flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt. Stir until smooth. Add the grated coconut and incorporate.
5. Bake for 22 to 24 minutes, until the top springs back.
6. Cool, then frost.

Lime Buttercream Frosting Ingredients

* 1 cup of butter or 1/2 cup nonhydrogenated shortening and 1/2 cup nonhydrogenated margarine
* 3 1/2 cups confectioner’s sugar
* 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
* 1/4 cup fresh lime juice

Directions

1. Beat the butter or shortening/margarine until fluffy. Add the sugar and beat 3 minutes more before you add the vanilla and lime juice. Beat for another 5 to 7 minutes. It will all be beautifully fluffy so that you can now pipe it onto the cupcakes. (If it’s too soft, give it 15 minutes in the refrigerator).